Breakups have a way of turning your world upside down. One minute, you have a person—your person—someone to text about the smallest details of your day, someone to share inside jokes with, someone whose presence felt like home. And then, suddenly, they’re gone. Not just from your texts or weekend plans, but from the entire vision of your future you once built together. Being broken up with isn’t just about losing a relationship; it’s about grieving the version of yourself that existed when you were with them, and even more, grieving the fantasy you held in your mind about your potential with them..
There’s no sugarcoating it—breakups hurt. They leave behind an emptiness that can feel impossible to fill. But the only way out of heartbreak is through it. Healing isn’t about pushing forward as if nothing happened. It’s about allowing yourself the space to process, to feel, and to rebuild—piece by piece, in your own time.
“Heartbreak, though painful, is also a valuable teacher for deep self-discovery,” asserts Jaya Jaya Myra, former immunologist turned mind-body wellness expert. “It’s an opportunity to check in with yourself—gently, without pressure—and start understanding what you truly value and need in partnership. Now, I’m not saying this is simple by any means. Recovering from heartbreak can be incredibly difficult, and there’s really no perfect way to do it.”
It’s tempting to avoid dealing with the pain. Maybe you drown yourself in work, distract yourself with endless scrolling, or tell yourself you’re fine when you’re clearly not. Maybe you jump straight into dating again, hoping to replace what was lost before truly processing it. But heartbreak lingers when it’s left unprocessed. Avoiding your emotions might feel like a quick fix, but it only delays the inevitable crash.
Instead, let yourself feel what you need to feel. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to vent, call a friend who truly listens. If you need to scream into a pillow, go for it. Your emotions aren’t inconveniences; they are proof that you cared deeply, that your relationship mattered.
“When we allow ourselves the space to process and heal, we’re making room for self-acceptance and understanding. Be gentle with yourself as you reflect on your previous relationship; making an effort to acknowledge the lessons it was meant to teach. This includes understanding the weakness that existed in your relationship and may have contributed to its end. It’s not about rushing to fill the void with distractions or a rebound. It’s about becoming your own source of love first and being kind to yourself through it all,” contends Jaya Jaya Myra.
Feelings aren’t things that can be outrun; you’re simply delaying the inevitable. And that choice is detrimental to what Jaya Jaya Myra calls “Conscious Character Development.” Her belief is that your character and daily actions shape your choices, which then shape your life; thus, your character has an impact on the life that you live. Choosing to ignore your pain does not reflect a character of resilience.
Breakups aren’t just painful because of the person you lose. It’s everything else that disappears with them. The plans you made, the comfort of knowing someone was always there, the tiny rituals that were once second nature—sending a good morning text, rewatching your favorite show together, knowing exactly how they take their coffee. Suddenly, those moments are memories instead of habits.
And while well-meaning friends may say, “You’re better off” or “Time will heal everything,” the reality is that time alone isn’t the fix. You need to sit with the sadness, the anger, the loneliness, and acknowledge what’s been lost, and more importantly “why” it’s been lost. Hint: it’s probably not about you! Grieving a breakup is real, because it is a significant loss. And just like any grief, ignoring it won’t make it go away—it will only resurface later.
“A breakup doesn’t have to be a reminder of what you don’t have; it can be an empowering invitation to reconnect with yourself, reflect on your personal growth, and take the first steps toward a future filled with cultivating the values and people you truly want,” concludes Jaya Jaya Myra.
Heartbreak is brutal, but it’s also a turning point. It’s the moment you get to decide: Will you let this break you, or will you use it to rebuild? The pain of a breakup doesn’t define you, but the way you choose to heal from it will.
And here’s the truth—you will heal. Not overnight, not without setbacks, but day by day. One morning, you’ll wake up and realize your first thought wasn’t about them. One afternoon, you’ll laugh without the weight of sadness pulling you back. And one night, you’ll go to bed feeling whole again—not because you found someone new, but because you found yourself.
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